So, you’re responsible for the biggest IT outage in history. It’s something to put on your LinkedIn profile I suppose, an achievement of sorts. Kind of like rocking-up at the Olympics, accidentally throwing the javelin backwards, and lancing the weird little mascot – it’s something people will definitely remember, but not fondly. Or, perhaps it’s like becoming prime minister and lancing the entire UK economy through one ill-advised and unnecessary budget, but such a thing could never happen in the real world…

One imagines that the CrowdStrike PR team’s mobile phones are glowing hotter than the sun and the furrows on their almost-certainly sweaty brows have become deep enough to hide a small animal, or an Olympic mascot.

As the business scrambles to find an answer to what the clucking bell went wrong, no doubt the comms experts within advised a holding statement from the big boss. Let’s take a look at what they came up with in the form of a tweet from president and CEO George Kurtz:

Okay, a few things here:

1. It’s unfortunate that you share a surname with one of cinema’s greatest villains, famous for saying, among other things, “horror and mortal terror are your friends”.
2. Where’s the apology?
3. Why does it read like it’s addressing an android? Maybe it is.

Even during a comms crisis, and be in no doubt this is a big ol’ Everest of a comms crisis, you have to remember that the people you’re sending messages to are human beings. And you should at least attempt to sound like you’re a human being too. Apologise, get the facts across, and make it clear you’ll provide more info when you can but that you’re working your backsides off to get things sorted. Oh, and get the takeaway ordered to the office early – sustenance is vital. That is, if the app is working.

And, as tempting as it may be, don't mention the horror, the horror...