I don’t expect to be thanked for doing a good job, after all, that's why I'm there. Going the extra mile though can be a mistake.

Here are examples of why you can't win in PR:

1. Getting extra publicity. Back in the day, when I was a keen young pup, I was thrilled when I got a client loads more coverage than was expected, but then the client complained that his press-clipping bill had gone up and wanted us to pay for it.

2. Arranging exclusive interviews. It is not always worth busting a gut to get a journalist to interview a client. Learn from my painful experiences, which include one client not bothering to turn up, and another spouting a load of gibberish, which of course the journo was happy to publish verbatim (for a change).

3. Treating everyone in the office to coffees and doughnuts. Well it was my birthday, and I thought I’d start a new office tradition. But no one else has bothered since. I particularly regret it as I splashed out on Krispy Kreme goods. Should have gone to Asda.

4. Coming up with a genius creative idea. There is a particular advertising campaign out there which was inspired by ME! Yes, I know it’s hard to believe. But I suggested a stunt that is now all over YouTube. Because the ad agency directed and filmed the stunt, it is getting all the credit. And awards are sure to follow, but not for us.

5. Bending over backwards for a journo. I get a call on Saturday night. Urgent copy is required, including interviews, by Monday first thing. I annoy the client by ruining her weekend, but I deliver the feature by 8am Monday. Is it used? Is it heck!

6. Writing a great press release. The media isn’t interested in boring information, but when you find an interesting angle, the client gets scared. So exciting press releases won’t get approval, but the safe ones the clients like won’t get picked up.

7. Finding a “kooky” lunch venue that meets the client’s mean budget. It’s no good, journos have their pride (although one wonders why sometimes), so if you take them somewhere cheap, they’re not going to write glowing copy.

8. Getting coverage, fast. I have nigh on killed myself to get exclusive news out to journalists in record time. Only for the client to demand the story be retracted, as someone senior in the organisation had not okayed the press release. Although the client supplied the information and said it was good to go, does he get the blame? No of course not, he blames me.