The people in this office have their good points, so they claim, but now that the sun is out, their bad points seem to be coming into sharper focus.

They do SO many things that are bloody annoying!

Take this as a warning, fellow inmates.

Before I start screaming and throwing things at you, here are some behaviours you must stop. Right now.

Don’t mention the World Cup

For f***’s sake, isn’t there anything else you can talk about?

Please keep your shoes on

Yes, I know your feet are sweaty, I can smell them.

Don’t slurp

Oh, the bliss of drinking iced coffee. But do you have to make such a meal out of it?

Don’t crunch

And talking of meals, why does the summer get everyone eating fruit, and eating it loudly? Why do people have to bite into apples right next to my ear?

Put your legs away

Unless they are smooth, brown and gorgeous. Even then, too much on display can be distracting.

Stop using so much fake tan

It has a weird smell and looks ridiculous.

Don’t open all the windows

It’s noisy, the wind blows bits of paper around and I have an irrational fear that a bird may fly in the window. Well, it could happen …

Put on the air conditioner

It’s getting hot in here, but all the women in the office still like to keep the heating on. Why can’t they just put on sweaters?

Stop whistling/singing

I’m pleased the sunshine has put you in a good mood, but your tuneless hum is putting me in a foul mood.