Psychometric tests are one way to find out someone’s personality type. A better way is to work with them. You soon find out who the lazy git is, the one who can’t take pressure, and worst of all, the one who doesn’t like to pay for their round.

Yet our boss still likes to find different ways to pigeonhole us, the latest is Enneagram profiling. She says it will help her put together perfect teams, as it categorises people into types ranging from “peacemakers“ to “enthusiasts”. I expect it even has a special category for cynics like me, but instead of being called a “difficult sod” I will be an “individualist/challenger”. I say we should get people together who are nice, intelligent and hardworking.

But if you are into all that nonsense (maybe because you’re a Libra, astrology is very similar to a lot of this stuff), here is a test for you to help you understand yourself better.

Q1. When it’s your turn to go to Starbucks, do you: a) Treat everyone to a surprise muffin; b) welcome the excuse to stop working; c) manage to make a profit by charging extra.

Q2. Your boss is picking a team to pitch to a notoriously difficult client, do you: a) Beg to be included; b) point out that it’s a waste of time; c) realise there’s little chance of glory, so recommend someone else.

Q3. What do you do when your alarm goes off each morning?: a) What alarm? You’re up before it goes off; b) push the snooze button; c) wake up your partner and tell them to make you a coffee.

Q4. In the pub after work, are you: a) Absent, because you’re still in the office; b) asking for a large one; c) hanging back, as you don’t want to buy the drinks.

Q5. Your boss calls you when you’re on holiday asking if you could write a “quick” press release, do you: a) spend days creating a masterpiece; b) never answer the phone from your boss; c) get someone else to do it, but claim it as your own work.

Answers

Mostly As: You’re a mug. Mostly Bs: You’re normal. Mostly Cs: You’re a bastard.