Okay, the beard I have just had to sit opposite in a meeting has pushed me over the edge. I spent the whole time wondering what stuff my colleague may have hidden in his stupidly long, facial hair, as I am sure I saw it moving of its own accord.

I now wish to make it an order that BIG BEARDS HAVE TO GO! They look unsavoury, I don’t want to think what they smell like, and I am thrilled my wife can’t grow one (well she says she can’t) because heaven knows how anyone can bear to kiss someone with a beard.

Now that I have made one rule about hair, I have decided to go the whole hog, and list my other demands for good hair in PR.

Please stick to them!

1. Shaved is best. Don’t stop at shaving off your beard. Moustaches are a hard look to pull off. Too small and you risk looking like a Nazi, too big and they drip when you drink.

2. And that includes your head. If you are going thin on top, shave it off. It’s the only way to go in PR, bald patches are not cool.

3. If you have it, wash it. Clean and shiny is best.

4. If it’s long, keep it under control. I hate it when I get a face full of hair as some glamorous lovely swishes her mane around on a packed train.

5. Get it cut. Wild hair suggests a demented personality. People don’t want to work with demented PR people. If you are a journalist, then fine, as journalists can get away with being a bit crazy. And clients can get away with whatever they like.

6. Hide body hair. Thank goodness the summer is coming to an end as I no longer have to witness under-arm hair. And as for that belly hair poppng out of the bottom of that shirt, please! Although I should know better than to criticise a woman on her clothes choices …