How fair do you think it is to give money to people who are leaving the company? Perhaps you have a sliding scale – a few quid for a junior who‘s hardly stayed five minutes and a tenner for someone who’s endured a good few years. Or are you one of those people who put in a fiver, but then take out four pounds fifty?

When another brown collection envelope gets passed around, my heart sinks. Not just because another lucky bastard is managing to escape the agency, or even luckier, escape the PR profession altogether, but because it means I’ll have to go to another tedious leaving do.

I always cringe a little during leaving speeches. So many lies about how much the person who is going has loved it here, and how much they‘ll miss us all. Why leave then? Then there are the promises about how they’ll stay in touch. In my experience, as soon as they are out of sight, they are completely out of our minds. And vice versa. One of the reasons I don’t hand in my notice myself is because I’d have to make such an insincere speech. Plus I suspect my colleagues would be particularly stingy with their donations to my leaving present!

There really should be a rule book written about the etiquette of leaving. But in the meantime, here’s a few tips from a pro:

1. The first dilemma is deciding who to tell first. If you are a great asset to the company, I’d suggest telling your boss first. After all she may persuade you to stay by falling at your feet and begging while offering to double your salary. And then you’d have to tell your colleagues you’ve changed your mind, which might upset the junior who’d got all excited about taking your place.

2. Don’t go on and on about the great new job you’re going to. If your colleagues aren’t already delighted about the fact you’re leaving, they soon will be.

3. Arrange leaving drinks during the day, not the evening. People don’t want to waste too much of their precious free time saying goodbye to someone they’re unlikely to see again.

4. Make your leaving speech short and sweet. Definitely don’t do a Kate Winslet.

5. Try to look genuinely pleased with your leaving gift, even if they have failed to give you the cash or vouchers you asked for.