I remember fondly when tedious hours at the office were spent on the phone, answering journalists questions or listening to clients demanding outlandish PR stunts.

Now the phone stays quiet. It's like a library in this place. Instead of picking up the phone, I now go online to read the latest fascinating instalments in the lives of all the losers I feel obliged to follow on Twitter, and wonder why I am friends with so many narcissists on Facebook.

So, I thought I'd do my bit of the virtual work and suggest some status updates to avoid:

1. What you are eating for supper, or what you are drinking. I really couldn't care less.

2. The weather. Yes it is dreadful, and it will only get worse. This is not news, it is called ‘Autumn‘.

3. Your latest success story, it only makes us hate you more. We want endearing tales of public humiliation, it will make us laugh and feel better about ourselves. But if you must boast about a success, make sure it’s worth it. Winning an Oscar is impressive. Getting your client into one newspaper is pretty feeble.

4. Why would I be interested in any animals in your virtual farm? Can someone please explain what the point of FarmVille is? It is time to grow up rather than grow pretend veg.

5. OMG! Do you really catch a train into work, and does it get delayed sometimes? Really? Wow how fascinating! And I am not that interested in traffic jams either!

How I look back with nostalgia at the days when I wasted my life indulging in simple pastimes such as following soap operas, reading tabloids and celebrity magazines, and even staring out of the window. But now hours, no, weeks (and soon years), of my life are lost reading about other people doing these things. I need to chuck out the netbook and the BlackBerry and get a life. But hold on, I just need to see if anyone has replied to my latest post about X Factor … 

Your time would be better spent looking for a new job!