The other morning I was just about to settle down and do some work, as I had finished my latte, eaten my croissant, checked out Twitter and Facebook, and had been disappointed to find I’d been outbid on eBay.

Having taken the time to pick up the phone, I was suddenly irritated by a piercing noise that made it impossible to think. The voice of one of my colleagues who, poor thing, is afflicted by some sort of adenoidal problem. I don’t know why this makes him shout all the time, but it does give a horrible tone to his voice. And he NEVER SHUTS UP. 

I don’t want to pick on one person, that would be bullying. So I have compiled a list of annoying traits that covers everyone in the office:

1. Eating malodorous food. I think coffee, croissants and plain sandwiches are acceptable. And cakes of course. That’s all my favourites covered. But curries, egg sandwiches and chicken soup are just a few that seem to stink out the whole office. Take them outside! Eat while you smoke, and see if the two smelly activities neutralise each other (of course they won’t. Suggest you have an extra strong mint before coming back into the building).

2. Unpleasant noises. Often this can also be food related, it amazes me how loud some apples can be. But it also covers humming, listening to loud music on headphones, and laughing too loudly at the boss’s joke. All this is fine when I’m doing it, but it is very irritating when you do.

3. Being ill. No, I don’t think you’re a hero for struggling into work with a streaming cold. I think you’re a sadist for passing on your germs to as many people as possible. And all those revolting sneezes, sniffles and coughs are putting me off my (rather fragrant) afternoon tea.

4. Self promoting. OK, you might work in PR, but do you really have to go on all the time about how great your latest campaign is? I’m not your client and I really couldn't care less so give it a rest.

5. Having loud ‘private’ conversations on the phone. And then suddenly whispering when you get to the juicy bits. I don’t need to know about your weekly shop, but I don’t mind overhearing a bit of scurrilous gossip.

6. Moaning. People who run everything down are such miseries. Not me of course, I only offer constructive criticism.