I can't believe it is nearly three months until Christmas and I have not seen a festive ad yet. Where are all the decorations in the shops? Why haven't the Regent Street lights been switched on? I so love the build up to the end of the year, and it should start in August, no, July! Why take a break from Christmas at all? You could take a leaf from my partner's book and start early by doing your Christmas shopping in the January sales. 

Lucky for me that I work in PR. In the world of PR, Christmas began ages ago, as we toil over exciting yuletide campaigns and think up imaginative ways to harness everyone's frenzy to fritter away their last pennies before the next dip in the recession. Spend now, because tomorrow you won't have a job!

So if, like me, you just can't wait until those sleigh bells and cash tills start ringing, here are my favourite things about the season of greed.

1. Toy campaigns

How I love the sound of the kids screaming for the latest must-have games console. I'll just increase the mortgage in order to pay for it (I would prostitute my mother if she‘d let me, I hear there is some demand for grandmas?).

2. Parties

Large firms plan these at least a year ahead, but in our office I am still waiting for an email from the poor mug who has to sort out this year's bash. Can't decide which is more fun, the cheap one we arrange in the local pub for our office, or the REALLY cheap one that we invite the journalists to. Or it would be cheap if they didn't drink so bloody much.

3. Cards

Thank goodness it has been decided that it is bad for the environment to send cards. Now you just get those annoying animated emails that play jingle bells. Can't wait. Ok I can. Please don't send me one.

4. Presents

Now this is tricky. Some journalists love 'em, some don't. But for those that do like a bit of bribery, they can be a bit sniffy if the wine isn't up to scratch. Apparently they need to drown their sorrows about their failing careers with the best Champagne.

5. Stuffing

Middle-age spread is endemic in the office as it is. I dread to think of how we'll look after the traditional seasonal overindulging. Just put those cameras away, but if you must, be careful what you paste online, don't want to upset the clients any more than we have to. After all, they may get a bit of a shock when they realise quite how much their Christmas campaign has cost.

Enough already. No more talk of Christmas please. Although I would like to wish you all a very happy new year! It’s got to be better than this crappy one, surely?