Underground, or overground, whatever mode of transport I use to get to work, there is always a drawback. Cycling would be an option, if I wasn’t so keen on staying alive. Walking might be OK but it takes too long and I get bored.

Mainly I hate other people when I am travelling. It would be fine if I had the train or tube carriage to myself but I don't earn enough to travel first class or get taxis everywhere.

Here are eight communting habits that bug the hell out of me:

1. Seat hogging. On trains and buses, if you are lucky enough to get two free seats by the window, it is polite to sit in the one next to the window. Otherwise it is obvious that you are trying to keep the two seats for yourself.

2. Bag barricades. Your bag does not need a seat to itself. Nor does your coat. If you don’t remove them I will sit on them.

3. Enormous bottoms. If your bottom is too large to fit into a single seat, please don’t try and squeeze into one. I am fed up with having other people cramp my personal space.

4. People who stink. No one likes to tell you that you have an odour problem. But I am happy to put you straight. Wash, buy some deodorant and use it.

5. Insecure wannabees. Ha! Ha! Your phone conversation is so amusing. Not. You know everyone hates people who talk loudly on their mobiles, so why do it?

6. Inconsiderate tossers. Is there anything more irritating than people who listen to loud music? Especially when, instead of using earphones, they have their mobile on loudspeaker.

7. The strained conversation. If you know me, please pretend that you don’t. I hate having to make polite conversation all the way to work.

8. The Eater. That burger might taste delicious to you, but it smells revolting to me. Please don’t eat grease-saturated, cheese-dripping, wet feet-smelling stinky food on the train.