PR people are pretty competitive. Here are a few observations of how this dog-eat-dog nature manifests itself in PR offices up and down the land:

1. The Monday morning boast-athon. Where you prove you had more fun over the weekend than anyone else. Attending a prestigious event is not enough. You need to have been in the VIP area, with celebrities fighting to speak to you. Which reminds me, I would have a very funny story to tell you about last Saturday, when I was chatting to Lady Gaga, but she asked me not to reveal it to anyone …

2. The smartphone/laptop/iPad league. Your gadget can’t be included in this list if you have had to buy it for yourself. It has to be a piece of kit your company pays for, or a client has gifted you.

3. The meeting room war. There are many battles to be won in the boardroom. You must be seated at the head of the table. You need to dominate the conversation. And whatever you do, make sure you are not the monkey who has to write down notes on the flipchart during a brainstorm!

4. Coffee race. This is one race you want to lose. Winners never go and get the coffee.

5. Christmas crackers. This is when you show how much you are loved and cherished by clients and contacts, as your desk groans with cards and thank-you gifts. If you get something from a journalist, award yourself bonus points.

6. Office space, the final frontier. Where do you sit in the office? How much room do you have to yourself? Ideally, you should have your own office, but if you are among the riffraff, make sure your desk is in the best spot. And has a few trophies scattered on top of it. Only display pics of family members if they are famous.