Dearest reader, I will never take you, or my desk job for granted again. I am writing after an exhilarating week of ‘experiential marketing’, where I spent time trying to engage with muggles on behalf of a brand. I don’t know how customer-facing workers do it day in and day out.

Fear not though, I am back at my desk and catching up with the hugely heavy news agenda.

Higher purpose drives out Unilever boss

Unilever has had a torrid time in the world of corporate news of late. In 2023 it was mocked for trying to find the higher purpose of mayonnaise. The CEO behind that was given the Spanish Archer and a new guy was brought in.

Less than two years in the role and Hein Schumacher has been packed off to spend more time with his family, and the existing CFO has been parachuted in to save the day. Schumacher will best be known for trying and failing to sell off the ice-cream division, better known as Wall’s over here. It was felt he was not changing and restructuring the FMCG beast fast enough and so he was booted out early.

I know from my own time working in corporate comms for FTSE listed brands, including marketing at Unilever, that announcements like this are judged by the share price reaction. Anything that triggers a share price fall of 5% or more is seen as a failure. In this instance the share price had a near 2% dip but swiftly rebounded. This signals a great job by the Unilever comms team, and they win the industry-coveted, and first, good PR of the week.

The Manchester Reds finally win something

As a Liverpool fan it pains me to write this but, the Manchester Reds comms team has won good PR too this week. Similar to Unilever, it is for the handling of a very tough comms message.

Sir Jim Ratcliffe was, until his investment in Manchester Reds, seen as a huge shining example of UK business success. His move into football lost him a huge amount of fans just because of the tribal nature of the muggle kick-ball supporters. He and his team then announced a series of drastic and petty sounding financial cuts that irked the Red supporters as well.

He must have been expecting the worst this week as a further 200 staff faced redundancies. His comms team saved him though. They clearly pre-briefed to get key media on-side and so when the announcement hit the headlines it resulted in far less savage articles than before.

The fact remains that some of the financial cuts have been penny-pinching. It was revealed that the manager it recently sacked was given his original contract by three club officials who flew to his house on three separate private planes. The optics were never going to look good on that, against a backdrop of cutting the staff Christmas party and removing their free dinner privileges.

Still, it has won a good PR gong from me for their latest comms. Something it can celebrate.

Niche drinking is whisky business

Much to my late father’s disgust, I am not a whisky drinker. Can’t stand the stuff, it burns. Call me soft, but I have never been a fan of any food or drink that hurts you. I digress.

English whisky bosses are trying to change the distinction for single malt Scotch. In Scotland, and apparently the rest of the normal-thinking world, the ‘single’ bit refers to the brewing process taking place in one single location.

Typical of us corner-cutting English folk though, we apparently want the rule changed so it can be made in several places. The apparent benefit is cheaper production costs. The English whisky people have apparently been plotting this for the last four years.

Scottish whisky bosses are, rightly in my mind, calling out the move. They fear it will flood the market with lower-quality produce. I don’t know enough about whisky to know if this is true or not, but surely it is a heritage product of Scotland that needs to be protected.

Why can’t us English folk stick to what we are good at; making Yorkshire puddings and low-level football hooliganism. We have started carving a niche as fantastic makers of gin and flavoured tonics, so let’s stick to that. In case it is reading this, Bathtub Gin is my favourite gin and Fever Tree is my favourite tonic.

Let’s not anger our colleagues in the North please. Bad PR for the English whisky bosses.

Kim Jong-Wrong-un encourages crypto Korea change

Everyone's favourite North Korean cuddly-tyrant, Kim Jong-Wrong-un, has helped to break a new world record. State-backed hackers have carried out the largest heist in the history of financial skull doggery.

The keyboard buccaneers have swiped £1.2bn in cryptocurrency via the digital coin called Ether. The media reported that Kim (to his friends) is using the funds to prop up the country’s economy.

This story taught me two things. 1. North Korea has a history of using this approach to try and raise funds. 2. Up until this latest heist, the previous record was held by Saddam Hussein who stole $1bn from the Iraqi central bank before the war began in 2003.

Bad PR for the North Korean leader, good PR for the skills of its head of IT, but I doubt they really care.